This wasn’t the plan.
I wasn’t told about this.
This CANNOT be happening!
Tried harder; fought a little more.
Prayed a lot more; got into fasting.
Tried to think positively – but couldn’t.
Tried to see the good, but there wasn’t any.
Tried to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It was the light of an oncoming train.
But hope is cruel – gone when most desired; was it ever real?
My way, or the highway.
Sink or bust.
This one thing, and this one thing only.
NOTHING else – because then I will be nothing.
But what if I don’t get what I wish for?
This CANNOT be how things were meant to be.
The faintest glimmer of light.
Somehow, truth penetrates beyond language.
But what do I hope for, if that for which I hope never comes?
No more pain and suffering.
No more confusion and heartache.
No more mind-altering substances.
No more unanswered ‘why’ questions.
No more dances with snarling, wild beasts of the night.
No more voices of unknown and dangerous provenance.
Goodbye, cruel world.
What do I hope for?
What now do I hope for?
“My hope is built on nothing less…”
Faith beyond reason.
Hope beyond language.
Joy unconfined beyond all cognitive dimensions.
In the unanswered questions,
In the mystery of mysteries,
Profound beyond profundity,
I turn to You.